So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
