It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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