After last night, I could never be a politician.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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