I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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