How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
