dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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