no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
