Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
