I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
