the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
