Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
