she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You pole danced in your parka.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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