His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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