Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
