You made me cry and you don't even care
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
