ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
