She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
