You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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