Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
