I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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