If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
