Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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