somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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