I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
