i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
where does the pee come out of this thing
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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