I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
