I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
