New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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