Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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