I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
