Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
