I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
