I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
