He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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