how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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