I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
