i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
