guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
