I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
