I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
