Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
