Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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