Whatcha textin bout Willis?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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