I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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