i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
