I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
