Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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