Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
