I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
