My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
