I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
