I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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