I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
