Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
