For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
