every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
